Struggling To Survive

The sound of the explosion in the distance brought her back to the world. Another day. Another bomb. Another cry for freedom. Another wave of agony. Dread was what surrounded her world. No hope, no sign of freedom. Caged in their own land is what you could call the situation of the Iraqi people. She clamped her hands over her ears and squeezed her eyes shut, as if to block out all the frightening roars around her.
She wanted to run away from here forever. She wanted to free herself from the reigns of violence overtaking her land. If only she could pass the border surrounded by American tanks. If only… their life revolved around these three words. If only that could happen, if only that could happen. Their “if only” never became a reality.

“Maryam?” My mother called from inside the house, if you could call the torn down building a HOUSE. “What are you doing outside, get inside! Yahyah is coming in an hour to meet you!”
Yahyah. My living hope. All my fear melted when I was around him. He was everything to me, as I lost everything I had. My love, my best friend, my husband… The only person I could relate to on a mental level. And despite being such a nice man, he was defiantly the most handsome man alive. Who cared about David Beckham or Brad Pitt when you had a man more handsome than them by your side, that too, for life?
“Maryam Khala! He’s here, he’s here!” My three year old niece jumped around me in circles of excitement.
“Where?” I asked impatiently.
“There! By the door! He just came in, don’t show him your ugly face yet!” she giggled. I shot her a look of anger. “I’m joking Maryam Khala! You look like a moon in the sky!” She ran away giggling her head off. I blushed. Wonder where the girl learned such romantic similes from? I turned my head towards the main door to see Yahyah come in. My heart took a leap and missed a heartbeat. I had missed him so much in the past month! Seeing his face brought a wave of relief to my heart. I ran to greet him.
He smiled at me, with a longing look in his eyes. I smiled back at him. He had a beautiful smile, full of radiance. It would make me forget all my sorrows and fill my heart with happiness. I sat across him on the floor as my sister helped lay out the food on the mat. He motioned me to sit next to him. I shook my head, embarrassed.
“Maryam! He’s been away for a month, sit next to him!” My mother laughed at my childishness. I went and sat next to him, maintaining my distance as everyone was in the room. He pulled me close to him, his hands on my waist. His lips brushed my ear.
“Missed me? It’s evident in your eyes,” he whispered.
“You’re not going back, are you?” I looked in his eyes with hope.
“I have to, but not for a whole month! I’m all yours for the month, sweetie!”
“I love you Yahyah!” I yelled, hugging him around the waist, not caring about anyone around me. I saw my mother smile, tears rolling down her cheeks. These women! They were so sentimental, crying for every little thing. I reasoned that it might have reminded her of my father, who had passed away seven months ago. I pulled away from the hug and saw Yahyah smiling. He wiped the tear which had just made its way through my eyes.
“I told you-” he was interrupted by my mother.
“You two love birds! Eat and then go talk outside!”

He held my hand as we walked into the once lush gardens of our house. It had been completely demolished due to the excessive bombing in their area.
“Maryam, I’m not going anywhere for the whole month, so relax! I’m with you, ok?” He reassured me. Something told me it was too good to be true.
“Can’t you just say with me forever? You don’t know how much I miss you when you’re gone! I’m so scared Yahyah! What if something happens to you? You know I can’t live without you!” I started crying, imagining his friends delivering his bloody wounded body to our doorstep.
“You don’t know how much I miss you when I have to go out into the heat and fight!” He took hold of my sobbing body.
Yahyah was a soldier. He fought to save his land from intruders. He fought to defend his land. I never understood why our land was being taken from us? How could we let it happen? As much as America claimed that they were trying to make our country a better place to live, they just made it WORSE! Worse, they killed our fathers and brothers! The once clean streets of Baghdad were crumbled to dust. Everyone lived in fear, afraid to take a step out of their home. Innocent women and children were killed. Poverty was taking over the land. Every day we’d hear about deaths of people we once knew. Everyday a bomb exploded near our home… Every day we cried with fear as the earth shook beneath our feet.
“Maryam, let’s enjoy ourselves for this month. Don’t let the sound of explosions take away your happiness. Let’s go… Hmm you know what? That green dress would go so well with your honey colored hair and green eyes! C’mon! Let me buy it for you,” he said, delightedly. He grabbed my and ran towards the shop.
“Yahyah, the dress is too expensive!” I said, checking the price tag.
“Uff, Maryam! I can’t even buy you a dress? My gift for staying away from you for so long.”
His smile melted my heard and no matter how stubborn I tried to be, he insisted on buying it, for the stupid reason that I would look stunningly beautiful in it. I had no choice but to give in.
“Fineee!” I scowled. He laughed looking at the lines on my face.
“Let’s go get sweets. You seem to have become sour over the past month. A little bit of sweets might help,” he winked at her.
“Yahyah!” He selected a variety of baklava topped with nuts and honey. He forced one into my mouth. “It’s too sweet!” I said, pushing it away. Being deprived of the sweetness’s in life, I could not handle the sweetness of the honey.
“Good!” He pushed another one into my mouth. It barely made its way through my throat, but I ate them because they were full of his love. He laughed seeing my creased face. He looked so handsome when he’d laugh; I had to give him a hug. If it wasn’t for him, my life would be like a black and white film…

“YAHYAH! It’s raining!” She took my hand and pulled me out into the open atmosphere. “Can you believe it? After such a long time…” She jumped up and down, splashing mud everywhere.
“Maryam! Your new dress is getting dirty,” I tried pulling her back into the shelter, but she pulled me right back into the gracious rain. The large gray cloud towered over us, the rain shielding us from the dreadful reality of the world. She swirled with me in the rain. I was drenched in water, watching her with delight on my face. Ah! She was the most beautiful woman ever. Her honey colored hair darkened as the water splashed over it. Her green eyes lightened with happiness, and her lush pink cheeks… oh, how I wish I could kiss them right there and then. The green dress I bought her was so suitable with her features. She pulled me towards her, our bodies producing more heat than the sun. Clinging on to my neck, she dug her face in my chest. We forgot about the sorrows of the world, and wrapped our arms around each other, never willing to let go.

“Mama! I’m hungry!” I said, bouncing up the steps, hand in hand with Yahyah. My mother appeared at the door way, looking bewildered at my condition. I looked down at myself. My new dress was drenched in water. “Uh oh…” I could sense another storm coming my way, but was surprised when Mama just looked at me with a saddened expression.
“Mama, what happened?” Yahyah asked.
“There is no food in the house…” Mama said. Yahyah and I exchanged helpless glances. He motioned his eyes to my dress. I understood right away.
“Umm… Mama, I have a little money. I’ll go buy some bread and hummus. In a minute… Um, Maryam, why don’t you go change?” He said, between his teeth. I sighed, but obeyed. The dress was as beautiful as anything, but they didn’t have anything to eat. She felt guilty eating baklava when her mother and sister didn’t her any.

I strolled along the wet, muddy street, the packet of food in my hand. She had not said a single word ever since we had left the house.
“Maryam, say something. It kills me when I don’t hear your voice around me,” I pleaded.
She looked at the ground, kicking pebbles. “I’ll be leaving you soon,” she said, monotonously. I gripped her by the shoulders. The bag of food fell down from my hands.
“WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? I can’t live without you! Why do you wanna leave me?!”
A bomb exploded in the distance.
“Oh. So you think they’re gonna kill you?” I pointed to the American tank a few 200 feet away. She nodded, looking like a frightened child. I pulled her into my arms. “Relax baby,” I soothed her, patting her head. “They can’t do anything to you,” I tried reassuring her, even though I wasn’t so sure myself.
Before I knew it, there was another explosion, barely a few feet away from us. The pressure of the grenade knocked us off our feet. She fell over me as we hit the ground. I wrapped my arms securely around her waist.
“I told you! I told you! They’re coming to kill me!” She sobbed desperately.

Yells and shouting could be heard far away. Gunshots blared, causing my ears to go deaf for a minute. Clinging onto my only lifeline I panicked as the deafening explosion blew the earth into the sky... the black soot and dust covered everything around us. Blindly hiding in his chest for cover, a piercing pain hit my spine, watching the red liquid mix with the black soot of the soil of my land; I stared in horror into the eyes of him... my body stiffened, almost as if I was paralyzed. I felt my nerve ripping apart, my flesh tearing away. I felt my soul leaving my body. I felt his helpless gaze on me. I felt him shaking my almost lifeless corpse. I gasped as the poison of the bullet mixed with my blood. The sound of his sweet voice yelling my name slowly faded.
“I told you… I was leaving. Take care of Mama and don’t miss me. I’ll be happy there. We’ll meet in Jannah, Inshallah... pray for me, Yahyah… and tell Mama I love her and to forgive me if I ever hurt her, and give Aisha a big kiss from me… and…don’t…let…them…” I tried lifting my fingers to the tank. “don’t let them do it… don’t… fight for our right…” with that, my soul departed, leaving a body made of clay to mix and rot with the earth. I saw Yahyah closing my eyes, clutching my motionless body, weeping violently over it… kissing it as it if it would come back to life with his touch. The rain washed the blood of my body… mixing it with the soul… the soil of my country, where we struggled to survive.